Behind the Scenes of My First Holiday Without My Son

The holidays are supposed to be filled with joy and tradition. But after loss, those traditions can feel complicated. I remember the first Thanksgiving without my son. He loved my mom’s stuffing — honestly, he was the one who ate most of it every year. As the holiday came closer, I found myself stuck on one question: Should I make the stuffing or not?

Would it break me to see it sitting on the table without him? Or could it be a way to honor him?

After a lot of thought, I decided to make it — not because it was easy, but because it felt like a way to have him be part of the celebration. I knew he would already be on my heart and mind, and this gave me a way to acknowledge that love.

But here’s the truth: I didn’t have to. That year, I could have skipped the stuffing, and that would have been okay too. That’s the hidden reality of grieving during the holidays — there is no single right way.

Behind the Scenes Reality

That Thanksgiving was full of small moments like that. Some decisions felt heavy, like what to serve. Other times, the grief hit me unexpectedly, like seeing his empty chair or hearing a song he loved. Grief has a way of finding us in the ordinary like recipes, smells, and family traditions.

The reality is that holidays after loss are layered. On the outside, it may look like a family gathering with food and laughter. But behind the scenes, there are silent questions, second guesses, and sudden waves of grief as the loss is felt deep in our hearts.

Lessons Learned

Over time, I realized some truths that helped me carry my loss:

• Resilience doesn't mean you don't hurt. It means you give yourself permission to feel, whether that's tears at the table or a quiet moment away from the crowd. Then you can dust yourself off and come back to the celebration - or don't! That is entirely your decision.

• Traditions can change. You can skip, adapt, or embrace them. The stuffing was my way of honoring my son, but skipping it would have been just as valid if that is what I needed to do to protect my heart and my peace. There may be some traditions this year that just feel like too much. If you decide to skip them or change them up, that is perfectly fine. You may want to talk to the rest of the family as well - they may want, or need, to also make some changes.

• Support can make grief lighter. Sharing tears or memories with others, even over a favorite dish, can help carry the loss. Maybe one of your new traditions will be to spend time sharing memories of your loved one. I did this the first year and actually discovered some things about my son that I wasn't even aware of. Taking the time to make him part of the season helped to make the grief lighter.

• Faith carried me. Quiet moments of prayer and journaling helped anchor me when emotions felt too big. Relying on my faith in God kept me going and gave me comfort during the really hard times. I took comfort in God's promises like Psalm 147:3 which says "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Your faith doesn't have to be the same, but faith in your higher power may also bring you comfort.

Gentle Insights for You

If you're facing your first holiday after loss, please hear this: there is no right or wrong way to grieve.

Maybe you'll keep every tradition. Maybe you'll change them all. Maybe you'll find a middle ground. Whatever you choose, it's okay. Your heart knows what it can, and can't, hold this year.

Give yourself permission to decide - and to change your mind if you need to. Grief is not a straight line, and the that is even more true during the holidays.

Closing + Invitation

Remember that you don’t have to stumble through the holidays. Having a plan on what you need to keep or change because of emotional "landmines" and triggers is an important first step to navigating the holidays in a way that protects your heart and your peace. Just as everyone grieves in their own way, you can also navigate the holidays in a way that works for you.

I would love to help you create your Holiday Peace Plan! When the holidays are approached with intention and thought, you can have peace even in the midst of grief.

If you'd like to have some help (and a comforting ear) as you lay out your plan, then let's chat.

Book your Holiday Peace Plan call here. 💙

And if you’re not ready for a call, that’s okay too. You can start small by downloading my free First Steps in Healing Grief Workbook. It will help walk you through the first steps you can take in your own healing journey.

Download here: First Steps in Healing Grief Workbook