7 Boundaries Every Grieving Woman Needs This Holiday Season (And Gentle Ways to Set Them)
In our last blog, I talked about the case for setting boundaries during the holidays and how they can be essential for healing and protecting your peace and your heart!
Now I want to dig a little deeper and talk about the seven boundaries that every grieving woman needs during the holiday season!
So, if you’re walking through the holidays with a grieving heart, here’s something I want you to hear clearly:
You are allowed to say no.
To invitations.
To conversations.
To traditions that feel too heavy.
To expectations you can no longer carry.
Your heart is tender, and boundaries aren’t just allowed — they’re essential.
After supporting Christian women through loss, I’ve noticed that a few specific boundaries make the biggest difference during the holiday season.
Below are the seven key ones, along with simple, compassionate ways to communicate them.
1. The “I Don’t Have the Energy” Boundary
Grief drains you physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Even small tasks feel big and overwhelming like a mountain to climb all while pushing that proverbial boulder up hill!
Try saying:
“I’m really drained today and need to rest. Maybe another time.”
“I love you, but I don’t have the bandwidth for this right now.”
Why it matters:
Your capacity changes after loss. Your brain and emotions and body are all dealing with a lot just to live within your grief so respecting that isn’t giving up; it’s caring for yourself.
2. The “Certain Traditions Hurt Too Much Right Now” Boundary
You don’t have to force yourself through painful moments “for the sake of tradition.”
In the Holiday Grief Workshop workbook, there’s an activity that helps you identify what traditions to keep, shift, or release. Every year is different, and this year may need a gentler approach.
Try saying:
“I’m not up for that tradition this year. I need something quieter/softer/different.”
Why it matters:
Traditions should comfort, not wound. Plus just because you release or skip it this year, doesn't mean it will be forever -- although it could and that is perfectly okay!
3. The “I’m Not Ready to Talk About My Grief” Boundary
People mean well, but their questions can reopen fresh wounds. And it may be a day when your emotions are closer to the surface and you just don't feel like you can talk about it.
Try saying:
“I appreciate you asking, but I’m not ready to talk about this right now.”
“Can we keep the conversation light today?”
Why it matters:
Your emotional safety is more important than small talk that goes too deep.
4. The “I Can’t Handle Big Gatherings” Boundary
Crowds, noise, expectations, and overstimulation make grief feel ten times heavier. You may feel like you are all alone even though you are in a crowd. Again, you are dealing with a lot so having all the extra "stuff" may turn your emotional volume up to the max.
Try saying:
“Thank you for inviting me, but I need something smaller this year.”
“I may stop by for a short time, but I’ll leave when I need to.”
Why it matters:
You get to decide the pace. You get to decide the environment. Sometimes a quiet evening at home curled up with some hot chocolate is just what you need.
5. The “I Need Space From Certain People or Topics” Boundary
Grief heightens your sensitivity — and some people simply aren’t good for your heart right now.
Try saying:
“That topic is too painful for me. Can we change the subject?”
“I need some space today — it’s nothing personal.”
Why it matters:
Protecting your peace is not rude. It’s necessary. And if someone doesn't respect this boundary, it is okay to walk away!
6. The “My Healing Doesn’t Follow the Holiday Schedule” Boundary
Others may want you to “feel better,” “be more festive,” or “get back to normal.”
You’re allowed to disappoint their expectations in order to honor your reality.
Try saying:
“I’m healing at my own pace. Thank you for understanding.”
“I can’t show up the way I used to, but I’m doing what I can.”
Why it matters:
Grief doesn’t pause for the holidays — and you don’t have to pretend it does. I truly believe that the people who matter will totally understand and support your boundaries.
7. The “I Need Support, Not Fixing” Boundary
Unsolicited advice is one of the biggest emotional overload triggers during the holidays. People may think they know best but they are not in your shoes! Even if they have experienced grief, everyone's journey is different and unique so while they may be trying to help, it may not actually be helpful.
Try saying:
“I don’t need advice right now — just someone to listen.”
“It would mean a lot if you could simply sit with me in this.”
Why it matters:
Being heard creates safety. David Kessler (a pretty big "grief guy") has said that one of the key needs of a grieving person is to have their grief witnessed. To be heard. That is why "sitting with someone" in grief is practiced in many cultures. On the other hand, being “fixed” creates pressure -- because you aren't broken, you're grieving. In your way, the best you can at any moment.
A Few Gentle Reminders as You Set Boundaries This Season
You don’t have to justify your needs.
Your “no” doesn’t require an essay. "No" is a complete sentence. (even though we may not feel like it is)
You’re allowed to change your mind.
Grief shifts moment to moment — your plans can too.
You’re not responsible for everyone else’s disappointment. Again -- if they are "your people", they may be disappointed but they will certainly understand.
People may feel things, but that doesn’t mean you did anything wrong.
You can honor your loved one differently this year.
Your heart knows what it can handle. And if it doesn't feel like it does in that moment, err on the side of peace and calm.
You deserve a holiday that doesn’t hurt more than it heals.
Truly.
If You Need More Support Navigating the Holidays…
I have replays and a full workbook available from my Holiday Joy Rewritten Grief Workshop experience — including:
Boundary worksheets
The Keep / Shift / Release activity
Emotional check-ins
A holiday peace plan
Tools for handling triggers
Gentle planning guidance for gatherings, conversations, and expectations
If you’d like access to the workbook and the replays, you can get them here, send me a DM. Just type Replays in the message and I'll get them to you!
And if you want community support from other Christian women rebuilding their lives after loss, we would love to have you join our Grief Support & Healing From Loss Facebook group.
My heart is with you this holiday season. I've been there and my prayer for you is more peace and calm as you navigate what can be a challenging time.
Remember, you don’t have to navigate this season alone.
Your heart deserves support, rest, and gentleness.
