The Photos We Don’t Take: How Memories Heal, Even When It Hurts

The Story Behind the Photo

Yesterday, I was searching for pictures to post for Veteran’s Day.

I’m a proud veteran — but the photos I usually choose are from the early years: when I was younger, thinner, and rocking a different shade of hair.

This year, though, the ones I picked were different.
One was from when I was commissioned as a 2nd Lieutenant at the Air Force Academy. The other was from my retirement ceremony — 20 years and one month later.

Normally, I wouldn’t share the retirement photo because, truthfully, I didn’t like how I looked. I felt self-conscious in uniform and preferred to keep that version of me private.

But this year, that photo means everything.

In both pictures, my mom is standing right beside me — the woman who pinned on my rank at the start and helped close that chapter at the end. Why is that so significant? Because she passed away two months ago. I’ll never have another new photo with her again.

And in that retirement photo, I see both of my sons. One of them, Josh, passed away three years ago. That photo is one of the last I have with both of them together.

So yes — these photos are imperfect. But they’re ours. They’re love, frozen in time.

And that brings me to the message I want to share with you this season:

Make the memories — even when you don’t feel comfortable doing it.

The Hidden Cost of Staying Behind the Camera

Women are often the keepers of memories — the ones snapping pictures, documenting, capturing everyone else’s story.

But how many times have you found yourself missing from the moments you worked so hard to create?

We say things like:

• “I’ll take one next time.”

• “Let me lose a few pounds first.”

• “I hate how I look right now.”

• “I’m too busy getting everything ready.”

But the truth is, there’s never a perfect time.

And when we avoid being in the photo, what we’re really avoiding is being seen — by others and sometimes by ourselves.

Yet, when the people we love are gone, or life shifts in ways we never expected, those imperfect photos become sacred ground.

Why Memories Matter So Much (Especially in Grief)

Memories aren’t just sentimental — they’re survival tools.

When we grieve, our brains crave reminders of connection. Photographs, videos, shared stories — they tether us to the love that still exists beyond loss.

They remind us: we had joy, we had presence, we had moments that mattered.

For me, those Veteran’s Day photos did more than remind me of my service — they reminded me of the people who stood beside me through it all.

And that’s why I’m urging you this holiday season: don’t wait for the “right” moment to capture your life. The moment you’re in is the right one.

How to Honor Loved Ones Through Memories

Those photos and moments are so important especially if someone we love is gone. And if you’re walking through the holidays missing someone you love, you can honor them while still making new memories. Here are a few simple ways:

1. Create a “memory ornament.”
Write their name, a quote, or something they loved on an ornament and hang it each year.

2. Tell stories out loud.
At dinner, light a candle and invite everyone to share a favorite memory. It keeps their spirit alive through laughter and tears.

3. Take the photo anyway.
Even if it feels awkward. Even if your smile feels forced. Someday, someone will look at that photo and be so glad you’re in it.

The Bigger Picture

When I talk to women during the holidays, there’s a common thread — the busyness, the perfectionism, the pressure to make everything “just right.”

But here’s the truth I’ve learned the hard way: Your presence matters more than your presentation.

The people you love don’t see your extra pounds or your messy hair. They see you.

And you — exactly as you are right now — are worth remembering.

So please, this season…

Get in the flipping photo.
Be part of the story, not just the storyteller.
Because someday, those snapshots will be the most precious gifts you leave behind.

Ready to Rewrite Your Holidays?

If this message hits home, I invite you to check out my Holiday Joy Rewritten Workshop. The workshop itself has passed but if you register, you can still access the replay and other bonuses. This workshop was a gentle, interactive session designed to help you create your Holiday Peace Plan so you can move through the season with more peace and calm and less overwhelm and anxiety. One attendee said, "I feel so much more prepared going into this holiday season! Thank you for this workshop!"

Plus, if you’re navigating the holidays while missing someone you love, you can also book a Holiday Coaching Call and we can figure out your next step for the holidays, Or if you know you would like extra support, you can even grab one of my Holiday Coaching Packages. Together, we’ll create space for both joy and remembrance.

To find out more about Kimberly Meyer Coaching, visit my new website. You can also listen to my Hope In The Hard Times podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or iHeart Radio.